im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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