woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sext me about skeletons
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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