What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
