Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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