After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
