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great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
