i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
