They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
