I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
