Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
