would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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