I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
