dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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