I just cut my nipple shaving
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
