i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
