new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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