I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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