This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
