Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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