apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
