so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
