Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
