Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
