It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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