is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
