Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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