Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
