I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
