Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
