Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
