the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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