Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
