Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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