I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
