Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
