The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
