Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
smell my finger.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
