im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
