I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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