Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
