Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
