Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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