i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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