Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
