I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
