Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
