its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
