bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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