It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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