Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
