don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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