R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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