Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
