She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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